------ let go .

[edward winters.]

---- e

[/b][/font][/size]dward winters life had quite unintentionally gone to waste. as much as he tried to deny it, as much as he managed to slither past college, as much as anyone told him otherwise. the boy used to have so much potential, could've done something productive. maybe he would've followed his life-long inspiration of being a journalist. that was all shot to hell now, though. it was probably all because of a girl, which is entirely pathetic if you ask me. but in his eyes, logan was never just a girl. she was basically his life, and when his life walked out on him, he basically turned to the two things that he would always be able to depend on. pot and sex. it was pretty simple to him, and probably just him. nobody understood why he had changed the way he did. after all, the kid had gone through so much already, he must be grieving. when edward's father died, he had no one to turn to. no one that put up with all of shit anymore, to be honest ed didn't blame them. cigarettes, pot, it was all such a prominent part of his life he could barely remember what it was like without it. and if he could, he tried not to. everyone wanted to forget. he was no different, except he probably went through different ways of achieving that. fucking your way through society isn't going to solve all of your problems, but edward winters was gone, and he was far from listening to reason. nothing made sense.

---- a[/b][/font][/size]lthough, the reason why logan had left him was still unresolved and still in the back of edward's head, along with the feeling that he was just stupid and worthless and quite obviously did something wrong. maybe she had been scared. it was something he had never been able to figure out and most likely never would be able to. but if he had one wish in his life, for anything, it would be for her to come back in his life- and that was something he was ashamed of. he should've just gotten over it already. but he couldn't, no matter how he tried, with his best friends rum and mary jane. and that was then, and this is now. the two of them were stuck in seattle, washington- and unfortunately, the city wasn't all that big. they were bound to run into eachother at any second, which is why ed had turned into a hermit the last couple days and stayed inside his apartment in fear. after all, things weren't that good right now. he was pretty sure half of the city hated his guts, the ones who didn't were people he's fucked (california amor obviously among those), and his dealer had run out on him. honestly, ed could perfectly deal with a meteor suddenly falling out of the sky and hitting him on the head. in fact, he wished it did. there was nothing for him here. most of the time, edward just felt incredibly out of place.

---- N[/b][/font][/size]ow, it was one in the morning, and edward had built up the courage enough to venture out as he usually did. the nightlife in seattle never stopped, in fact if you lived in a place close enough to any club you’ll doubtfully get any sleep. with a pack of marlboros in his hand and a lighter in the other, he slowly entered the loud obnoxious club, the door slamming shut behind him. ed sat at an open seat at the bar, completely oblivious and uncaring to the women’s faces who had suddenly lit up when he had entered the room. “vodka.“[/i] the word was so familiar and comforting to him, he thought, as he lit up a cigarette and inhaled on the cancer stick. smoke drifted upward in rings, and a thought suddenly occurred to him. she couldn’t be here, right? pale, green eyes quickly scanned around him, not catching sight of any petite brunette that could possibly be her. ed quickly dismissed the side of him that was immensely disappointed. in fact, he thought, even if she was here, she wouldn’t change anything at all. it was over, said and done with, all in the past. maybe he needed to let go, but edward was fucking far from being perfect, or doing anything that would make sense at all. he wasn’t much of a planner, never was. and he certainly wasn’t going to be planning what to ‘do’ with his life anytime soon. he had no interest in that anymore. as the shots came and the warm liquid trickled down his throat, the familiar drowsiness swept over him and he welcomed it with open arms. baby seasons change, but what’s so hard to grasp is that people do, too.[/sup]

[/color][/font][/size][/i] , _{logan kinkaide.}
status[/size][/font][/i] , _finished.
music[/size][/font][/i] , _{let go - frou frou.}
outfit[/size][/font][/i] , _{sup flannel.}
notes[/size][/font][/i] , _:'c[/ul]
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[logan kinkaide.]

---- L

[/b][/font][/size]ately, Logan Kinkaide had been all over the place. And I mean that in every way possible, honestly. Physically, she was all over the fucking place. When she left Ed Winters, she initially booked her petite little brunette ass right back to Salina, Kansas, where she was born. Her reasoning there was perfectly sound, actually. She needed to be in Salina. But... that whole explination is for later. Anyway, Logan did end up spending a good six months in her hometown, resulting in a job that seemed pretty sound. Although, granted, the Salina World wasn't exactly the world's most prestigious paper, it was a job. More specifically, it was the kind of job that Logan had been wanting for a long time. A job in journalism. Keep in mind, at nineteen, Logan didn't even have a college degree. Meaning, yes, a paper actually did hire a journalist that hadn't graduated college. Basically, she turned in, with her application, a sheet of paper that said "READ THE ESSAY BEFORE YOU READ THE RESUME", a "n/a" marked where it asked about her college degree, and a seven-page essay that consisted of her whole story of exactly why she was here, and not in Los Angeles. Apparently, it was the essay that got her the job. The job she'd always wanted.Granted, writing the social column wasn't exactly her life's dream, it was getting her somewhere. But, we all know Logan Kinkaide: world's greatest escape artist. After six short months, she was gone.And after she left Kansas, Logan headed for the Big Apple. God knows why, really, since she'd been an absolute wreck since she left Edward, and that was the place that reminded her of him most. After all, it was where they met. There was a certain Starbucks in Manhattan, where she'd stood outside with Edward Winters and kissed him for the first time... that Logan couldn't bear to so much as walk past. Honestly, it wasn't a huge surprise that Logan wasn't able to stay in New York for long. Soon enough, she was heading south, ending up in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Her mother had always loved the Southwest, so in a way, it felt like going home. Since there was no chance of another paper, especially a relatively decent paper like the Santa Fe News, accepting a journalist without a degree. So, Logan started working as a waitress in a little cafe on Water Street, which was always her mother's favorite part of the city. Her life was just starting to return to some sort of a normal state, when she had some spontaneous mental breakdown and set to the road again. This time, there was no destination. She slept where she could find a bed, she ate when she could find food. There was no plan, no destination, and no drive. She was just going. Logan found herself driving north, god knows why, and as she approached Seattle, where she knew her best friend, Juliet, lived, Logan slowly started creating a destination in her mind. Despite her desire to work when she needed money, sleep when she needed rest, and eat when she needed food, with no ties and no bonds to anything, Logan knew Juliet was worrying about her. And she loved her best friend. She did. So that's how she ended up here.

---- N[/b][/font][/size]ow's the part where you ask: why did Logan leave in the first place? I guess now's the time to give you the story. Once upon a time, Logan Kinkaide and Edward Winters were engaged. As in, she was going to become Logan Winters. In September. It was August when she left. Ed's sister, Lilly, had been wrestling with the couple for weeks about actually leaving the house and going to a party or something. Despite Logan's weekend habits now, at the time, the two weren't exactly big partiers. Honestly, Logan and Ed would much rather stay at home or hang out on the beach or whatever. But there was really no fighting tiny, overly-aggressive Lilly Winters. She got what she wanted. So, to-be Winters couple was out that Saturday night. Logan had been stressing out over this for days, knowing that she would be neither the prettiest, nor the most scantily-clad girl in that bar that night. She would have a lot of competition, and she'd never had to deal with that before. And honestly, she was scared shitless. The first few hours passed by pretty seamlessly, until Logan spotted a gorgeous, spider-legged blonde eyeing Ed pretty intesely. It wasn't a passing glance. She was having eye-sex with him. And Logan really didn't like that. But when her cell phone rang, and she saw that it was her big brother, Stanford, the little brunette really didn't have a choice but to leave her fiancee unattended with the long-legged blonde. She stepped outside, expecting nothing more but a poorly timed, oddly late check-up on her from her brother (who, coincidentally, also happened to be one of her very best friends). Instead, she got a nervous-sounding man with a weak, cracking voice. But it was still her brother. "Hey, Lo, I need you to come home. I'm... I'm sick. I'm really, really sick.[/font][/i][/color]" The conversation lasted less than ten minutes after that. He had cancer. Bad cancer. She was, conveniently enough, already crying when she returned to the bar to find her husband-to-be (or... ex-husband-to-be, from then on) getting awfully cozy with that spidery blonde. And we all know, this is Logan Kinkaide. So what did she do? She ran. And that's the story.

---- T[/b][/font][/size]hat was then, of course. This is now. She's still flighty as hell, but now, Logan wasn't weak. Her brother was dead. Her marriage was down the drain. She knew no love, no family, no hope. She was just.. you know.. existing. And this, essentially, is the reason why she was currently.. where she was. A bar. Also known as, where Logan always was at night, regardless of whether it be weekday, or weekend. After seriously considering staying home, for fear of seeing the one face she could never bear to see again, Logan grabbed a new pack of cigarettes for comfort and headed out, lighting one on her way out the door. To a certain extent, the familiar scent of smoke reminded her of Ed. But mostly, smoking just fogged her head up a little big. It gave her a nice little daze. It took her mind off of things. AKA... she was addicted to them. Cigarettes: just another happy habit she'd picked up since leaving Ed Winters. Wow, he'd made her into quite the model citizen, hadn't he? Of course. That's what he was there for. Now, Logan was showing up to this party pretty late, actually. Normally, people showed up to the bar around nine, ten, or even ten-thirty. Eleven, maybe. That was fine.Not midnight. By midnight on any other day, Logan could be on her third bar. Not her first. But you know what? She was scared to even be there! After her dicey e-confrontation with her ex-fiancee, Logan wanted there to be no chance of running into him in public. Especially looking as hot as she did tonight. World--or at least Seattle--renowned as a colossal slut, Logan never had to wait in line outside of a club. Giving a sly wink to the bouncer, she danced right on into the building without so much as slowing down. Many vodka-and-tonics later, Logan was out on the floor. Surprisingly, sometime between now and the time she'd left Ed, Logan had become rather adept when it came to the dancefloor. Some hidden, almost borderline graceful part of her had emerged... and she could dance. All pushed up on any number of sweaty bodies, she took periodical sips of her drink, willing her head to get even fuzzier before she would have to step out to smoke. Eventually, the brunette found herself being pulled aside by a tall, pale-haired man, with astronomical biceps and big brown eyes to die for. Then again... Logan had always been one for green eyes... but this dude was fine. She found his hands sliding gently down her sides to rest---or rather, squeeze, at her lower hips as he pulled them towards his pelvis, bouncing heavily to the beat of whatever obscure, monotonous rap song was thumping out of the speakers. Logan gladly played along, not really realizing that she was at the edge of the dance floor closest to the bar. Lightly sliding the hand that wasn't holding a glass up the man's chest and to the nape of his neck, Logan danced along with his awkward, off-beat movement, skipping the whole 'name' thing as he started kissing her neck ferociously. She laughed playfully, absolutely willing to go along with all of this until---woah. Logan's pale eyes flitted unknowingly to the bar, only to see that face just a few feet from her own. Abruptly pulling away from the man, Logan accidentally slammed her head against his as he pulled away from her neck. Groaning uncomfortably, only one word managed to slip from her mouth as she rubbed her head and looked up. "Edward.[/color]"[/sup]

[/color][/font][/size][/i] , _{edward winters.}
status[/size][/font][/i] , _complete.
music[/size][/font][/i] , _{sally ; johnny flynn.}
outfit[/size][/font][/i] , _{reppin the pumps.}
notes[/size][/font][/i] , _{sorry it took forever.. and really wasn't worth the wait. merr.}[/ul]
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[edward winters.]

---- e

[/b][/font][/size]dward just wanted a night alone for himself and marlboro. without men threatening him if their wife happened to look at him in a way they didn’t really like. or without jude or nate calling him to check up on him to make sure he hadn’t fallen out of the apartment window. come on, was that honestly too much to ask? sometimes, he was scared of being alone with his thoughts though. unwelcome memories always seem to come back, no matter how many bottles of vodka he drank and shady glances the bartender shot at him, basically warning him not to puke on his shit. the most prominent thing in his mind were his two sisters, piper and lily winters- he had no idea where the both of them were. the last time he had saw them was at his father’s funeral. edward had made no effort to dress up, and the two of them couldn’t stop crying. he didn’t cry, though. not at all, in fact he never did in his entire life. ed was always the kid that kept that shit bottled in. if you tell your problems to people, basically all of them are glad you have them. everyone that attended the funeral gave him a pat on the back, a farewell and good luck- which meant nothing to him. he didn’t need sympathy from strangers and didn’t need to see another parent in a casket in front of him. he didn’t need anyone. he didn’t need this. so he packed up, and ran. ran to the farthest place he could. seattle, washington seemed like a heaven the second he had arrived. that heaven quickly turned into hell. he hadn’t even been here that long when of course, logan kinkaide had to come along into his mind again. she was trying to kill him, he was convinced, because there was no way he would be able to just get over her now. edward had in fact considered many times going to her and apologizing for anything he may have done, but his pride and dignity were too hard to swallow. not that it would matter anyway- according to that gossip girl shit everyone just loved to talk about, she had been doing enough swallowing of her own. which was funny, because logan was the last person he would ever consider to be a slut. but in everyone else’s eyes, edward was the last person who would be considered a pothead, so it just goes to show.

---- h[/b][/font][/size]is once bright, green eyes had turned slightly dull, and if you looked into them you would get the impression he was incredibly bored. the cigarette he had been smoking was stuck between his lips, while he lit another one and basically started chainsmoking out of habit. before he had even noticed, a blonde was slithering around him, sitting herself quite comfortably on his lap. she wasn’t necessarily that attractive, but for the past couple months he had been sleeping with the women that were lower then his expectations anyway. his arms settled around her tiny waist, something he grew accustomed to doing. but he felt someone’s eyes on him, and slowly shifted his eyes over to the dance floor. and fuck, the shit hit the fan. logan kinkaide, grinding with a burly, sweaty guy that had douche written all over him. well, wasn’t that just perfect? honestly, edward had no idea what to do, what to say, how to act. if he should even acknowledge her existence or just carry the fuck on with this perfectly hot blonde sitting in his lap, who was staring at his expression now with curiosity. or the fact that ed was pathetic enough to start noticing all the small little things about her he always loved. the way her eyes used to sparkle. and the way she suddenly looked over at him and realized who he was, cigarette still in hand and an empty shot glass in front of him. fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

---- a[/b][/font][/size] thousand things suddenly popped up into his head, each one making less sense then the last. he was completely lost. and seeing that guy still trying to fuck around with her made a wave of fury wash over him that shouldn’t have at all. he shouldn’t feel like nobody could touch her except for him, because in fact, she just wasn’t his anymore. seeing her made everything suddenly spin, and he knew the cure for that. “another shot.“[/i] the boy said, the blonde growing annoyed- as much as she pressed kisses along his jawline, he just wasn’t interested. not when logan’s in the room. the blonde finally gave up, rolled her baby blues, and sat up and strutted away, to the dance floor with her head held high thinking edward would come after her. instead, the boy shot down the warm liquid, which gave him just the boost of confidence he was looking for. now, although the room was starting to get a little fuzzy, he walked over to logan and unintentionally pulled her in for a hug. his arms found their way around her neck. a body he knew so well. or perhaps, he used to know. “logan!“[/i] he remarked, quite obviously drunk and slurring but made no effort to hide it. ed took a step back and looked at her eyes, something he missed so much. but they were different, he noticed, even in his state. they didn’t sparkle the way they used to. he couldn’t look at them anymore and see the rest of his life, all in those pale foam eyes. he dropped the cigg on the floor, stepping on the stub. suddenly, he was completely intoxicated. and this time, it had nothing to do with alcohol at all. “what the hellllll are you doing here?“[/i] he said, suddenly aware of the greedy eyes of all the people surronding her and the incredibly short dress she was wearing. he pulled her to the side, away from anyone who would dare take her from him again. even though it wasn't his place. “hmm. you know. i‘ve really missed you.“[/i] now that she was right in front of him, the girl that just couldn’t get out of his head for so long, he couldn’t let go. maybe he’d have a bit more pride if he wasn’t so fucking drunk, but at the moment, he didn’t care about anything or anyone. he was totally content- like the other half of him had been found.[/sup]

[/color][/font][/size][/i] , _{logan kinkaide.}
status[/size][/font][/i] , _finished.
music[/size][/font][/i] , _{asleep - the smiths.}
outfit[/size][/font][/i] , _{sup flannel.}
notes[/size][/font][/i] , _ohaaaaaay.[/ul]
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[logan kinkaide.]

---- R

[/b][/font][/size]emember how I said, earlier, that Logan was completely flighty in every way possible? Well, I stand by that conviction. Sure, she was all over the place literally, considering she'd seen half the country in that past year. But emotionally, Logan Kinkaide was somehow even worse. Especially when she'd been drinking, she was the moodiest person you'd ever meet. One second, she'd be the down-to-earth, outdoorsy, completely fun-to-be-around climbing instructor that people couldn't help but to love. And by the end of that very day, she'd be drinking balls-out-style and throwing herself at whatever potentially STD-ridden fellow she saw on the dance floor that appealed to her in any way. She could be a dreamer and a lover, or she could be a bitch and a complete fighter. There was really no way to tell with this new version of Logan. The old Logan was completely different, of course. None of this had ever happened before. Well, let's put it this way; there had been three versions of Logan Kinkaide in the past. They all had the same name, they all looked relatively similar, and they all used the same voice. But not a single one of them was anything like the other, emotionally. There was the cold, indifferent pre-Edward Logan, who was logical, intelligent, and had a total stick up her ass. She was brilliant, she was hard to get, and she was incredibly unhappy. She didn't love her life. That Logan, was the one that was with Ed. When she was dating Edward, Logan was happy. For the first time in her life. She was young, she was in love, and life couldn't be better. And now, of course, there's post-Ed Logan. Well... you can figure this one out for yourself. I don't even need to go into how much of a wreck she is. As flighty as she is, though, there was one thing that Logan always found to make her feel exactly the same way--Ed Winters' beautiful green eyes. Go ahed and call it cliche, because it is. It's absolutely cliche. But maybe the reason it's become that way is because some eyes are just that powerful. Or maybe it was just Ed's eyes.. and everyone else is just full of shit. Honestly, Logan would prefer it that way. She was pretty drunk right now, and looking back on the life she used to have with Edward, she halfway hoped that they'd had some sort of really epic love story that only appeared in brilliantly well-written and produced Blockbuster movies. I mean, Logan wasn't a huge fan of romantic comedies, but for about a full year of her life, she felt like she was smack-dab in the middle of one.

---- T[/b][/font][/size]hat was then, of course, though, and this is now. By now, I mean past midnight on a Friday--or Saturday, techically--evening. And by now, I also mean that Logan had had more than plenty of time to get herself sufficiently wasted enough to make a mistake like the one she was about to make. What mistake is that, exactly? Oh, come on. Just take one glance at those pale, oceany eyes. Now notice how they're eyeing Logan's ex-fiancee. See that? Yeah. Point made. Of course, now that the oddly familiar-looking blonde--who had been perched quite comfortably on a painfully uninterested Edward's lap--had strutted her perky little ass to the other side of the club, Logan was free to jump on top of Ed whenever she wanted. Not.. of course, that she was planning on doing something like that.... ahem. Anyway, the brunette stood, now alone, on the dance floor for a good few moments before she saw the man she'd once been so in love with stand up and head towards her. Now.. she had to be dreaming. Or passed out. Or really, really high on something she'd never done before. Because not only was this dark-haired man standing up, but he was walking right up to her and wrapping his long, strong, familiar arms around her. "Logan![/font]" he exclaimed with some form of drunken glee, leaning back and examining the girl's face carefully. Logan raised a thin eyebrow up at him, her mind so foggy that all she could think to do at that moment was to lean up and kiss him smack on the lips. So... she did. Logan leaned up swiftly, pressing her lips against his own as he murmured out a question that was really pretty difficult to understand. Ed pulled her away from the dance floor, towards a significantly less-populated corner of the nightclub. "What the hell are you doing here???[/font]" he asked loudly, and Logan--wasted out of her mind, by the way--smirked and replied, without pause, "you[/color][/b][/font]".

---- S[/b][/font][/size]ituating herself on a nearby barstool, Logan pulled Ed towards her by the fabric of his shirt, wrapping her hands gently around the nape of his neck. One long leg wrapped around his waist, and all of a sudden it was just like old times. Except, you know, the old Logan would never have done this sort of thing in a public situation. Especially not with someone she hadn't seen in over a year. Fuck all these memories and everything, though. I mean.. what the hell? Logan couldn't remember her first name right now. Who was expecting her to weigh the pros and cons of sleeping with Ed Winters right now? Hopefully... no one. Because that wasn't what she was going to do. Instead, the little brunette found her lips against Ed's once more, her fingers twisting lightly into his already messy hair. "So what, Ed? My place?[/i][/font][/color]" Running her fingers down his neck, shoulders and arms, she pressed a few hungry kisses down his jaw before looking expectantly up into his eyes. There was no expectation of rejection, or a future, or any sort of commitment, or... anything, really. Consideration and pensiveness would have to wait until the morning when she sobered up a little. Because right now, all she wanted was to be this close to Edward Winters once again.[/sup]

[/color][/font][/size][/i] , _{edward winters.}
status[/size][/font][/i] , _complete.
music[/size][/font][/i] , _{my wandering days are over - belle and sebastian.}
outfit[/size][/font][/i] , _{reppin the pumps.}
notes[/size][/font][/i] , _{merrrr. one million apologies!}[/ul]
[/blockquote][/blockquote]