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Post by ayden dawson. on Jul 27, 2009 1:17:38 GMT -5
 i let you down in the worst wayit hurts me every single day------------------------------------------- ------ basically ayden really hadn't expected so much to change in one week, i mean you never expected to get your only second girlfriend at nineteen. but he had and thats where the girl indiana marks came into the picture. he being bold had kissed her earlier that day in the park and had made them official. he felt great since that afternoon and had gone to his dorm with a big smile on his face. exhaling slightly ayden stood infront of closet mozing around looking for something better then shorts and tshirt to wear over to indiana's where they had planned on watching the movie. needless to say he knew there'd probably be some kissing and whatnot but he wasn't rushing this more then it had to be. he wanted to take things slow with her and thats exactly how it would go he would pressure anything on her. pulling out a pair of jeans and rather nicer looking polo shirt he replaced his shorts and tshirt with that as he slipped on a pair of his other skateshoes. one thing he didnt do was forget the shoes, socked feet hurt walking on pavement no less then rocks and whatnot. mozing around his room he pocketed his cell phone after making sure he had no texts telling him he had to be elsewhere then he was planning to be in a matter of a twenty minute drive. poking around he managed to find his other set of dorm keys thank god he'd been looking for them for over a week now lord knows how he would get in without the extra set on him incase he lost his first set they'd given him at the beginning of the year sneakingly got a second set.
------ running a hand through his curls he walked out of his dorm room and down the dorm hallway. heading outside he scurried himself back to his dorm realizing he had left his car keys sitting on his desk. getting back into his dorm he found them easily and got himself a bottle of water. inhaling he headed back out to his car hearing the autolock of his dorm door. smiling softly he jogged his way down the hall and outside the building focusing slightly on the new brightness of the sunlight. good lord it was definitely brighter then it had been earlier that day. squinting frequently he focused on where he had parked his car hours ago and remembered as he made his way down the steps to the dorms and headed around back to the parking lot. a smile on his face he shielded his eyes after he remembered stuffing a pair of sunglasses into his pants just before he'd left his dorm the first time. exhaling as he reached his car he unlocked the drivers door and proceeded to seat himself in the drivers seat. closing his door he turned on his radio and started up the engine as he buckled up and backed out of his parking spot. turning slightly he made his way out of the parking lot and around the dorm building to hit the road. making it out to the roadway he smiled as he headed onto the main street that coursed through the downtown area of seattle. he enjoyed the drive around the city. making his way down the roads he hit the highway at ease and rolled his window down for a bit of air to go through the car. it stunk of bad air and he needed to breath obviously.
------ as he drove though the unexpected of his life ever happened, he took a glance to his side since he was on the main road which had the stores and ways to sidewalks he noticed a female walking with a little girl that had what seemed like long but currllyy as hell brownish black hair. he inhaled taking a double glance at the older person and by second guessing he nearly swerved to the wrong lane. ensuring he was in the right lane he gave a guess at the little girl's age. his mind went blank before he realized it. that was her, and that little girl had his smile he could tell even from the distance that he was that little girl was his daughter and that older female was one person he didn't ever expect to see after five years ago. timidly shaking as he checked his own thoughts again he stepped on the gas. internally he felt sick enough to puke but he couldnt cause this car wouldnt handle the smell let alone the cleaning it would need. smacking his hand against the steering wheel he continued onward. unfortunately worried about having to tell her. -swerving slightly as he stepped his foot to the gas pedal coming into indiana's driveway he smacked his hand on his steering wheel again. could today get anymore difficult? he sure as hell hoped not. i mean seriously the boy just wanted to have a normal night watching a normal movie but he couldnt calm down. he'd have to tell her about the incident five years ago, the disorder he was dealing with for the rest of his life and pray to god that she didnt leave him. that was mostly his biggest fear was either losing her.
------ nonetheless doing something to hurt himself or even indiana. he hated getting hurt and he hated being somebodys cause of pain. wanting to scream he got out of his car and slammed the door hard enough to hear the glass rattled in the window. cringing he made sure it didnt smash out before making his way to the front door. bringing a shaky hand up he knocked hard on the door swearing under his breath at the wood. that was some hard stuff. then again ayden wasnt usually into smashing or hitting things extra hard or barely close to it.
------------------------------------------- ------ tagged -- indiana marks
------ word -- one triple zero [1000]
------ outfit -- smexy right
------ song -- best i ever had,, state of shock
------ notes -- his freakouts in my next post xD
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Post by indiana marks on Jul 27, 2009 1:56:58 GMT -5
 Indie’s hands ran over her bed spread as she sat there, spacing out but thinking hard at the same time. She was very calm, yet very antsy at the same time. Her heart was racing but she was just so damn happy. A slow smile spread on her face as she thought about her night from before. Ayden’s face crept into her mind even though she tried to block it. She didn’t want to get too excited about her boyfriend. She giggled at just thinking the word. Ayden, the boy she’d liked for a few months, was her boyfriend. It was unreal to her, almost like winning some kind of an award. An award that was finally dating the guy she’d liked for a while. It was a triumph for anyone, and the eighteen year old girl was just sort of swimming in it.
She had been on the computer for about an hour that morning, just talking to him. She’d been pretty close with him since she’d started going here, but lately she’d been thinking of him as more than a friend. It was kind of hard not to like him, he was sweet, always complimenting her and saying little things that just sort of made her day. She sighed as she thought of him, and then made herself snap out of it. She wanted to hang out with him all the time, even if she wasn’t dating him. Indie slapped herself on the leg, getting up from her sitting position on her bed. There was something about Ayden that was just so calm, so patient. It was one of the things she loved about him. He was always so calm, he hadn’t once seen him out of wack in any way, and it was so easy for her to be around him.
Indie stretched her arms out, making her bed quickly before she threw some stuff in some drawers. Her land lord tended to pop in randomly since she had a key to her room as well, and she liked to make it seem like she was a sort of clean person. Indie wasn’t a pig but she just… didn’t clean her room to say the least. But now, she wanted her room to be clean enough so she didn’t look like a pig in front of her new boyfriend. Her heart lept again, threatening to jump out of her chest. She was just so excited that he was her boyfriend now. She wasn’t sure if she believed it. Indie checked her phone, and let out a squeal when she saw he would be there in less than a half hour. She needed more time!
Indie rushed into the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror She didn’t want to be wearing the same thing as earlier, cause that had been a few hours ago and she needed to be a little more refreshed looking. Indie ran a hand through her hair and decided to leave it down since she’d been in the shower earlier that day and it was still soft and it looked fine. So Indie washed her face, and then re applied a small layer of make up. She looked at herself in the mirror and nodded, deciding that she looked normal like she was just hanging out, but pretty enough to make Ayden a little hot and bothered. Hopefully.
It wasn’t like she was interested in having sex with him right now. That was something in the far future. Indie wasn’t a virgin, but she didn’t exactly give it up like a whore. She’d only done it with one guy, someone she’d thought she was in love with. He dumped her a few months later because she didn’t put out as much as he’d liked. He was the reason she hadn’t dated a whole lot. She’d had some boyfriends, but her idea of guys was sort of warped. At least, until Ayden came along. Sure, the girl was really attracted to him, but she really just couldn’t see them going that far for a long time. They had literally just started dating a few hours ago, it wasn’t going to come up in the next few.
Indie had always been the kind of girl that had self respect, and she was proud of it. Some people gave it up like money to a friend, but she thought sex was more than that. She wasn’t sure about Ayden and all that, but she was sure he wasn’t the type of guy who had like three kids out there somewhere and had escaped it here by coming to college. Or any kids at all, he just didn’t seem like that guy. She hoped he wasn’t, at least. If he was, Indie was sure she could convince him to be otherwise with her. Because she wouldn’t change like that for anyone, even the guy she’d wanted to be with for some time now.
A really loud knock pulled her out of her reverie, and she cussed under her breath. She was still wearing the same clothes. Indie pulled off her sweater, and put on a gray tank top, deciding she looked fine, even though her boobs were a little more showy than she would have liked. She pushed her hair behind her shoulder and walked up to the door, looking around her place. Whatever it looked fine, Ayden had been here before. She pulled the door open, her angelic smile already in place. Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw his expression. He looked a little frantic, and she didn’t like that. She wanted her calm Ayden. She opened the door farther and stepped out to hug him quickly before moving back again. Indie let him come in before she closed the door lightly behind him. She stood there awkwardly for a moment. He looked purely sick, and she was confused. Are you okay? Indie’s voice was soft, almost a little timid.
notes; they'll get better with the more excitementtt!! im so excited for this right now!!
words; 995.
wearing; to lazzyy. jeans and a tanktop, duh
playing; richman, 3oh!3
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Post by ayden dawson. on Jul 30, 2009 12:29:37 GMT -5
i let you down in the worst way [/font] hurts me every single day[/font][/center] ---------------------------------------- ------basically all ayden wanted to do was just forget what he had seen and just watch the movie. unfortunately he couldn’t because at this point he was almost ready to track his ex down and confront her. then again he hadn’t seen her since five years and 2 months ago. inhaling deeply ayden stood there on indie’s front step tempted to take off and call later with some lame excuse. but really he hated hiding hiding the life he had learned to deal with. to be perfectly honest ayden wanted nothing more then to tell indie everything but that meant assessing a lot of things. mainly her interest in really being with him the fact of how suddenly a mixed could ensue and yes the boy had a child. one he barely knew anything about except the gender, birthdate and name because he was there for it all. all ayden needed right now was curl up with indie and forget about it but he couldn’t when it was possible that his ex was raising the child he should have known for the last five years. the boy sure needed to get his head on straight and get things set into priority wise list. truth be told ayden didn’t know who he would be without his family and now indie to help him sort things out. in all fact of reality ayden hated being who he was with the whole bipolar and the medications and the mixed episodes. unfortunately he couldn’t change any of that but he could of course make it different in his future especially if that involved indiana josie marks. exhaling he was half tempted to break for it until he heard the small sound of the door opening seeing indie appear in the doorway. he shrugged slightly.
------Barely taking in her hug and gesture to go inside he slid past her and managed the weakest smile he had ever given to anyone in a day of his life. Ayden was not the type to point and get all mad over silly stuff unless of course he had either forgotten his meds which luckily he hadn’t today but who’s to say he wouldn’t sometime in the future right? Ayden really didn’t want to bring up the past facts of his life especially when he knew it meant risking what he had right now and what he’d have later on. Honestly he loved indie and knew they’d last for quite the length of time but unfortunately he was holding a major secret back that she had a rights to know of. Whether he wanted to believe it or not he now had to start thinking about the hard facts of how he got himself stuck in seattle. His parents had found out about the little incident that happened two years after the fact and decided in case the girl was still in town they needed to get him out of town. Pissed him off but like he knew at sixteen and still at nineteen he had no choice in the moving factor. Gulping inwardly at her question he nodded slowly before the words started coming. Now Ayden hardly spoke when it came to anyone so this was probably the most indie would ever hear him say. To be honest he was scared of what he was going to spit out but the truth had to come to light sooner or later. I have stuff you need to know, I have bipolar disorder which is what these tags around my neck is for, I got a girl pregnant five years ago so needless to say I have a daughter named moriah around the world somewhere cause my ex claimed to have given her away but I think I just seen her on my way here, indie im sorry but I thought you had rights to know this about me, im not perfect I never was perfect and I never will be perfect he exhaled aft ward standing in the front hall he stuffed his hands into his pockets.
Indie im sorry if you want me to I can leave and let you figure out what I’ve told you but I love you and I just thought you should know at least that much. ------He added glancing over at her he didn’t know what to expect now. Exhaling he waited for her to say something, when it came to silence Ayden didn’t deal with silence to well instead he made something crash to take away the eery silence. Silence made the boy want to freak out enough to clear the silent feeling away but really indie didn’t deserve to be freaked out on she wasn’t the one who had lied to him five years ago and then just up and left. I mean honestly he wasn’t to fond of the whole fact that his ex had even considered adoption but unfortunately he had taken a mixed episode the day before she had the baby. It frustrated him to no end. I don’t want to lose you Indiana but im sure I’ll understand if you want to not be with me anymore, I know we just started dating and you didn’t expect this but its all fact. He didn’t know what else to say so he stood there hands in his pockets feet planted on the floor ready to go whichever way he had to go. He hoped she understood and didn’t want him to leave but needless to say Ayden had no idea what his future had in store for him. He was very sure that he’d be finding a way of getting a hold of his ex’s parents to find out where she was and if she still had the child with her. Unfortunately he didn’t want to involve anyone but indie was his girlfriend therefore she had rights to know that he had a child that he only knew by name. it felt very freaking scary standing there looking stupid but today was a turbulent of events.
[/size] ------------------------------------------- ------tagged -- indiana josie marks
------word -- one zero zero eight [1008]
------outfit -- smexy for sure
------song -- best I ever had,, state of shock
------notes -- kso I thought about it and hes just gonna major meltdown
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Post by indiana marks on Aug 3, 2009 10:31:37 GMT -5
Indie's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. She hadnt seen him so agitated before. She had always told her friends how cool he was, how he seemed to never be upset. With this terrified expression on his face, Indie almost reached out to him to ask him if he was okay again. But by the time she was about to, he was already walking out of her reach. The pathetic smile on his face wasn't really helping her confusion. Did he think that he could make her think like he was okay? Indie knew him to well, and anyone who had known Ayden for even a few days would know that he didn't get mad, ever. He was always calm, almost brooding some days. So seeing him look like he'd just seen a ghost wasn't the most comforting thing, since she sort of considered the boy her rock. Once again, seeing that face looking more shattered than usual was hard, it seemed like the confusion and angst on his face was permanent, the way that he was acting. It wasn't fair to her, to see him like this. Indie felt a little nervous seeing Ayden looking the same way. And then a new thought dawned on her.
Was Ayden breaking up with her already? That could be the explination of the shuffling feet and the general nervousness. Great. They had only been dating for a few hours, and he was already dumping her. Maybe they weren't so perfect for eachother. Indie didn't really know what she would do if he broke up with her. Sure, Indie had her fair share of break ups, but she wasn't really ready for that kind of rejection to be had. That just wasn't fair, he shouldn't have asked her out in the first place. Indie crossed her arms uncomfortably, unhappy with how awkward this was. It was never awkward. But maybe that was how it would be for them. They would be that couple that was great together as friends, but just didn't click as a couple. if so... what was that earlier? The kisses, they were nice to say the least. Indie had felt something, and she thought that he had, too. It seemed like he would have too, because if he didn't he wouldn't have asked her to be his girlfriend... right? Maybe she didn't know Ayden as well as she thought she did. Maybe he was a different person entirely.
Indie looked up from her feet when he started talking. After a few opening words, he just sort of... let it out on her. I have bipolar disorder. Indie's mouth dropped a little. That was unexpected. And the fact that she had always seemed him to be a calm person made her feel stupid now. The only reason he was calm is probably beacuse he was on his medication. Her eyes zeroed in on the silver chain that was always around his neck. She stepped forward, picking the chain up and sliding her hand around it until she reached the tag. She couldn't read it, her eyes had started to blur at the next truck load of information he dumped on her. I have a daughter. Indie stepped back, her mouth shut. Her eyebrows came together as she stared at the floor again, speechless. There was no way he had a daughter, that wouldn't happen. Ayden wasn't the type of person to have a daughter. He was too young. A five year old daughter? She did the mental math. Indie was suddenly filled with this shame. She trusted him all this time, and he'd failed to mention two vital things.
And then he uttered the words perfect. If course he wasn't perfect, how stupid of him to even say that. She hadn't thought he was perfect before, and she sure as hell didn't think Ayden was perfect now. Far from it. He made her family being ripped apart from by her gay father seem like she lived in candy land, for crying out loud. Indie barely had time to digest this before he spoke again. His words seemed softer, but her head was fuzzier. Indie was still staring at her feet, she didn't want him to leave, not now. She needed him to figure things out. And then he said the third thing that day that would scare the hell out of her. I love you. Indie hid her shock, but her eyes flew open wide. He... loved her? That was impossible. There was no way. She'd pined after him for so long that it seemed impossible, he was just messing with her, trying to make her say everything's okay. That had happened before, it happened to girls all the time. Guys would lie about being in love to get some. But ayden would never do that... right?
Indie just didn't know anymore. She felt like when she looked up at her new boyfriend, she wasn't seeing the same person she was before. Was he still the same laid back guy? Or was he just some badass who wanted to get into her pants using the pity party approach? But when Indie looked up into his eyes, she saw he was serious. She could tell when that boy was lieing, and he sure as hell wasn't lieing now. She was positive of it. So after that moment of cdoubt, her heart soared. He loved her, he loved her, he loved her, he loved her. Ayden loved Indie. Inside, she was smiling a shit ton, but on the outside there was still a little wonder. She frowned at his last few words. Damn right I wasn't expecting that. She didn't look him in the eyes again, still sort of wind blown from the whole thing. Indie stared at his chest, where his dog tags swung when she had dropped them. There was too much confusion, the poor girl just needed a huge hug. She didn't want to talk about it anymore, even though she hadn't said a word. It was too much.
notes; la la laaa.
words; 1,042
wearing; to lazzyy. jeans and a tanktop, duh
playing; richman, 3oh!3
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Post by ayden dawson. on Aug 6, 2009 0:01:48 GMT -5
 and i dont know how it gets better then this but[/font] you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless[/font][/center] ------------------------------------ ---- THE FIRST WORDS THE BOY EVER thought to blurt out at her statement were yet again, im s..sorry he stuttered in amazement to himself that his voice still worked at the moment. inside he was breaking, on the outside he was trying to appear strong, will powered and fully himself. really at the moment he was anything but himself. he'd never been even close to this honest with anyone, including his ex girlfriend amirah. gulping he pulled one hand out of his pocket to brush hair out of his face. holding himself back from just pulling her into his arms his gaze ran over her face as she looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. one look he never liked was a disgusted one and thats what he felt like disgust. he felt better now that she'd known the truth about two very vital things in his life, his bipolar disorder and the fact that he had a daughter that he regretted agreeing to giving away but he knew as well as amirah that they'd never last and that he'd never be able to face up to it to his parents. exhaling slightly ayden stood in the front hall of indie's home with a whole hearted hope that she wouldnt ask him to leave until she figured out whatever he knew there'd be to think about.
---- RUNNING A HAND THROUGH THE CURLS of his hair he left one hand hanging at his side after he'd finished talking he didnt know what else to say. to be honest he wanted her to say something, much less anything back to him. at least something to let him know she had understood everything he'd said and that he hadnt talked to fast. making himself a nervous wreck inside he shifted his wieght from one foot to the opposite before bringing his gaze back up to run over her once again. was it to fast to be thinking that if this hadnt come out yet he'd be a nervous wreck until he couraged himself to say something. needless to say he had no courage a moment ago the only thing that had caused him to say something was the fact that he had possibly seen his ex girlfriend amirah. needless to say ayden was racked with guilt up until now for not letting indiana josie marks in on the most two vital pieces of information to his life. but he had to swallow quickly when she stepped extra closely picking up the silver chain around his neck. of course he had a feeling she'd check it out for once since it had always hung around his neck from the moment his mother demanded he get one from the hospital.
---- EXHALING HE STOOD THERE AS IF his feet were glued to the floor, he didnt want to leave her house unless she wanted him to and therefore he had to figure things out and figure it out fast. holding back on pulling her close for a hug he stood there like a lump on a log. looking around the front hallway of the home though he felt a wee tad nervous wondering if her parents were home cause he totally didnt need to have either marks parent the slightest bit angry with him for making their little girl upset and hurt in less then a few hours of dating her. he couldnt stop himself much longer stepping one foot closer he was inches away from her face. reaching his arms out he carefully pulled her closer to him hugging her tightly but not enough to knock the wind out of her. im sorry, i felt you just deserved to know all that, holding the chain that held his dogtags up a little bit he held them enough for her to read them knowing full well she probably hadnt gotten a good read of them earlier when he had spoken with sudden sheer worry that he'd not have his voice. ayden wasnt one to worry about telling the truth in fact he worried more about lying then anything ever.
---- INHALING HE KEPT HIS ARMS AROUND her holding her closely just in a warm hug that he knew she needed and nonetheless wanted. kissing her forehead softly he sighed lightly before bringing himself away from the female in front of him. ayden loved indiana marks more then he'd ever thought he'd love another female in this kind of situation. needless to say after his last breakup ayden had expected that to be his last ever relationship in the dating world ever but then indie had come along and it all changed. wasnt it great how life seemed to want him to find somebody better then his ex girlfriend. not that he'd regretted being with the other girl but he certainly had wished he had waited to meet indiana before giving away his virginity all through peer pressure from older friends and former classmates. indie i really love you im not saying it just to make you think something silly i never thought i'd ever feel like this towards anyone ever again after five years ago. he just continously spilled anything he thought of thinking she had all rights to knowing it. ayden wasnt one to hold anything back.
---- ONCE HE GOT TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING this serious he wouldnt stop unless he was told to shut up or fuck off either way he was to far into this whole issue to just stop about it. he didnt like talking about it but it had to be said and done before they went dating any further. reaching out one hand he grabbed her hand that was closest to him being her left hand and therefore he held that hand for almost ten minutes the silence was nearly killing the boy he hated it but didnt want to cause a freak out just to have the dead silence go away. he glanced nervously around the front foyer in hopes of her parents not being home. with a sigh he was more then a hundred percent sure that they were or they would have made an appearance sooner or later nonetheless wondering why indiana looked oh so upset because of him.
------------------------------------ *-- tagged -- indiana josie marks
*-- word -- one zero three eight [1038]
*-- outfit -- hes just smexy
*-- song -- fearless,, taylor swift
*-- notes -- told you museful -.- andddd changed my template & song yesh !
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